Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Close encounters of the Spider kind

"You're so hypnotizing.
Could be the devil? Could you be an angel?
Your touch magnetizing.
Feels like I'm floating, leaves my body glowing.
They say be afraid.
Different DNA, they don't understand you.
You're from a whole other world.
A different dimension.
You opened my eyes.
And I'm ready to go, lead me into the light.
Bite me. B...b...bite me.
Infect me with your love and fill me with your poison."

A few days after the infamous BLACK WIDOW spider bite I heard Katy Perry's "E.T" song on the radio and I knew it was meant to be.  So I have forever dedicated that song to my old friend, Spidey, who was kind enough to bite me in my sleep and leave me writhing in pain for days and days.  Doctors were mystified.  Husband was mortified.  I was terrified.

So I woke up early one morning to a sharp pinch in the middle of my back.  I was so tired that even though I knew I had been bitten by something, I went right back to sleep.  Which means Spidey was STILL crawling around in my bed and I didn't even know it.  Shudder.

Fast forward about 120 minutes later, I have now cleaned my kitchen, mopped the floor, and am at the store shopping for groceries.  Suddenly my body feels completely paralyzed and I am so nauseated that although it is physically impossible for me to throw up, I am positive I'm going to anyway.  I made it home, crawled back into my spider infested bed ( I didn't know a spider existed at that point) and watched Hulu for a couple of hours while I wrote my Will because I swore I was dying of something.

Lightbulb: Something bit me this morning.

Thanks google for recognizing my symptoms as a spider bite and for giving me the creeps as I head to the doctors because of all the gruesome pics of spider bites I've just witnessed. Barfy.

BYU Urgent Care diagnosis: Not a spider's your appendix. White blood cell count..abnormally high.  Abdomen..very painful.  Bite..even more painful, but ignored all the same.

Emergency Room Diagnosis: CT scan..not appendix. While waiting for the word on what's wrong with me, I begin having SEVERE tightening in my abdomen..I cried. Worse than labor. Death is coming. This continues for 45 minutes with nurses running into the room to give me 3 more doses of morphine which by the way did NADA.

Surgeon finally comes in, looks at the bite, and tells me that my bra just irritated my skin and that's why it looks like that.  Oh really? Hmm..
Doctor comes in and says the same thing.  Both tell me I'm crazy and come back later if I feel worse.  I cry some more, because I'm certain the only thing worse than this is death.  I'm not ready! I don't even know who Ashley gets engaged to on the Bachelorette and I was just given permission to eat steak again.

By now I'm sure it was a spider (although google is still the only one on my side) and when I go back to the doctor the following morning still sick as ever, it's finally confirmed. Could it be because my bite is now 3 times bigger and more inflamed than yesterday?  Sure enough, the 4th doctor looks at my bite and says "what the crap....I'm calling poison control." 
Black Widow spider bite FACTS:
-ability to mimic needing a major surgical procedure..such as appendix.
-extreme nausea and vomiting
-nocturnal...most active at nighttime (good luck sleeping tonight)
-chest pain, difficulty breathing
-will only take 4 doctors + google + poison control for anyone to believe that you were actually bitten.  It may take more doctors if you explain that you were NOT in fact in your garden or garage when it happened, but peacefully dreaming of happy things while lying in your own bed.

Turns out my bite was infected so the day AFTER they concluded it really was the feared black widow I was back in the doctors office to see a 5th doctor who was amazed to finally meet someone who had a close encounter of the spider kind.

I keep telling Andrew that I feel strangely powerful and  have the ability to scale walls and fight off bad guys, but he doesn't believe me. 

I also have been looking unusually fabulous in my red spandex jumpsuit and I've always known I'm hotter than Tobey Maguire anyway.

P.S- YES my house has been sprayed since then..three times in fact.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Fourth of July happenings

July is filled with so many good things.

This year we decided to celebrate the Fourth by going to the local festivities. 

I insisted on Kettle Corn because it is most delicious...
 Andrew and Ellie thought Nachos and Horchata were also a necessity.
It's not everyday you find one of these.  Andrew begged to have it to add to his collection of amazing wolf t-shirts but alas, they didn't have his size.
Andrew: Red
April: Blue
Both of us: Whiter than white even though it's already the middle of summer.
The most beautiful, wonderful, perfect All-American girl!

God bless that we love!

Thursday, July 14, 2011


Julie: Do you know why I think it is? A.D.D
Eric: You have A.D.D?
Julie: Yes. That's why I'm so bad at housework.

On Sunday, a few of my favorite people came to dinner.  One of them, who shall remain nameless, out of the blue said to me, "Hey guess what? I'm now taking medicine for my A.D.D!" Which led to me responding with complete surprise, "You have A.D.D??" because although I know this person REALLY well, I definitely did NOT know that.

So we discussed how he came to this conclusion, which led me to my OWN scientific, completely unqualified opinion that I probably also have A.D.D. 

Let's get real here..
-I zone out of conversations like there's no tomorrow. Not on purpose (except sometimes..)
-I get distracted easily (contributes to my zoning out).
-I am really bad at housework.

However, I am happy to report that since my self-diagnosis (which was on is Wednesday) I finished SOMETHING! Like a real live project..miracle.  So until further notice, I have decided I no longer have A.D.D..unless the laundry needs to be done. In which case it will  probably continue to sit in a basket on my bedroom floor while I do something way less boring.

Awhile back there was this late night post that I thought would never be complete.  But alas.

The makings of a Tree..

 Tree sketch: My fabulous M.I.L
 Painting of Tree: the likes of Sarah and myself
 Leaves: Scrapbook paper and modge podge

Well, I did it folks. I finished something. A real live SOMETHING!  Now I can spend tomorrow on Hulu guilt free since I will probably need a full day to recover from being able to cross "Ellie's Tree" off my to-do list.

Adios A.D.D!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Fathers Day Love

This is what the two babes in my life do best.

So because I didn't post on Father's day (why be trendy?), this one's for that darling husband of mine.

You always know just when to snuggle and how to make a girl feel like a princess.
And you always seem to say the right thing at the right time.
Hanging out with you is the beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssst!
Basically, I'm happy just thinking about you.

You are the best husband a girl could ask for and the coolest dad on the street! We heart you.  Lots!

  A & E