Saturday, September 24, 2011

Confessions of a paint obsessed girl


I don't know what it is.  Maybe because I saw those ads for that TV movie "The Craigslist killer" or because everytime I read the news something that we always think could never happen..happens.  Like a plane crashes into an elementary school.  Or a bear attacks an unsuspecting woman while gardening.  You know..the legit stuff.

Anyway, the point is I think I've been a little on edge lately.

Lately as in...forever.   

While in Hawaii we were snorkeling in a bay called "Shark's cove" and I just knew that I was going to have my arm bitten off while looking at coral reef or some clown fish.  Apparently they say the name comes from the cove being shaped like the tail of a shark.  But was I really going to care about the origins of the name when I only had one arm?  I don't think so. I saw Soul Surfer and if we're getting real here I'll just tell you straight up I would not be that cool if a shark bit my arm off.

Last week was when I actually realized my paranoia may have reached an extremely high level of ridiculousness.

I listed a dresser for sale on KSL classifieds.  Harmless, right? People sell stuff all the time.  No biggie.  Until this man called and asked if he could come look at it.  So while he's on his way over I casually analyze that he didn't say anything about a wife.  Or a woman coming with him.  And I'm a woman alone in a house with a small child.  Perfect scenario for the ksl killer, right? Right.

"Unsuspecting woman attacked by strange man while trying to sell furniture"

Headlines for some reason are always flashing in my brain like a neon sign that just keeps getting brighter.  Ten minutes later I have a plan mapped out for how I will avoid this soon to be traumatic situation.  A million questions are going through my brain and I'm sweating because I'm nervous.  How can I carry a large knife in my back pocket for protection without it being obvious?  Should I have someone on the phone when I answer the door?  Is there any point to making dinner?  Why the freak do we not have any pepperspray?

Finally..before my already insane mind can get the best of me, the doorbell rings.

And there he was.

The alleged ksl killer was actually a very nice, well-dressed man wearing a BYU football shirt. Turns out he was a bishop with a lovely wife and four kids.  And he sold insurance.  And while I helped him load the dresser into his truck he and I joked that BYU better win against Utah because it would be really embarrassing if they didn't. 

And that my friends is exactly what too much tv will do to you.  No more lifetime movies for this girl.  Uh uh.

Meanwhile..I managed to paint some canisters in my spare time.
Not very exciting.
This was a glass cookie jar before I spray painted it green.

Well I feel better.


  1. April - I don't think the examples you gave satisfy in over the top paranoia. I think many people think "shark" when they are in deep, dark, endless waters. You still snorkeled right?

    And as for selling stuff to complete strangers - OH MY GOSH - next time call your home teacher or a trusted friend - anyone. You should not be meeting strangers at your house alone. Giving people your personal address SHOULD BE done with EXTREME CAUTION. No - they aren't all going to be killers, but they aren't all going to be Bishops that sell insurance either. You were right to be concerned. And you're a mom now, so every concern or worry is heightened to the nth degree. You're wonderful and not paranoid - at least not by this evidence!

  2. Again , I think you need to have a job writing a daily column whether for a newspaper or a magazine.
    I love the canisters and I agree with Sal. Next time have someone with you before you let a stranger come into your home. Love this blog !

  3. For the record he didn't step foot in my house! We stayed outside on the porch in view of all my neighbors.

  4. Ha ha ha, April, you sound exactly like me. I'm embarrassed to admit that I've been in those exact shoes... more than a few times... ;) <3