Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Hair Don't Hall of Fame

As a hair stylist I believe it is my right..NAY my obligation to discuss some hair "don'ts".

I've carefully selected a special few that could use an extreme hair makeover pronto. And while I shutter looking at these pictures I also think it's important that we thank them for paving the way into the "Hair Don'ts Hall of Fame".

Let us begin with a favorite of mine.

the beloved "Uncle Jessie"
It's true John Stamos has seen better hair days, but this was at the peak of his career. How am I not famous? I have waaay better hair than this.

Lindsey Lohan
I think we can all agree that Linds really went downhill when she decided to go from red to blonde. C'mon now..who didn't love "Freaky Friday"? All that bleach really rocked her world..this photo was taken the day she was ordered by her warden to take out her hair extensions and remove the fake eyelashes. The horror. Go back to red Lindsey..if Britney can make a comeback so can you!

The Donald
He may be one of the richest guys ever, but where is all that moolah going? It's obvious he has no investments in quality hair pieces..so when it comes to the Trump's hair it must not only be declared, but shouted from the rooftops "You're Fired!"

That one guy from "Sister Wives"
Some people watch "Desperate Housewives" as their guilty pleasure. I watch the PG version of that.."Sister Wives". One guy..four women, I don't get it. Not only is he obnoxious in his own right, but it's the hair that really bugs me. And according to his wifey's he has more styling products than all of them combined. So is it wrong for me to ask for him to start using them? Do we really have to wait for a 5th wife to come along and be brave enough to demand he chop those nasty locks?

Dolly Parton
She's been around for decades..and so has that hair. Someone please call her and tell her she either has to move to Utah (the capital of big, platinum hair) or get rid of that fro.
Christina Aguilera

Medusa called and she wants her hair back. Seriously though, Christina has proven time and time again that she is hiring blind men as her stylists. No this would not look good at the Grammy's, the Oscar's, or Prom. And while we're at it, send in a new makeup artist as well..

Well, that's it folks. Did I forget anyone?

Monday, October 24, 2011

what to do, what to do

I can't make up my mind about what I want little Elle babe to be for Halloween.

I mean look at that face. It's obvious that I could dress her up like a trash man and she would still be so cute.

I bought her a giraffe costume..which ended up being too small. Then I bought her a bumblebee outfit, but it was just sooo bumblebee-ish.  So we're starting fresh.

Maybe the problem with baby halloween costumes is that you're trying to make something that's already ridiculously adorable even more adorable. And I'm willing to argue that it just might not be possible.

Any halloween ideas for my little gal pal? Pretty please?

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Even old people like popcorn

Hair school rocks.

The school I'm going to is extremely technical and there's a lot of science and geometry involved. The director studied at Vidal Sassoon. So as you can imagine, I'm loving it. Except for the science and geometry part..not so much love there.

I won't mention that everyone at my school reads Twilight and eats McDonalds everyday. Minus myself since I think both are gross.

People are interesting..that's all I will say.

Maybe I'm just getting old. The other day Andrew started talking about how weird it will be when it's his 10 year high school reunion, because it seems so far away. I took that opportunity to remind him that mine was this year.

Him: What? You've been out of high school for TEN YEARS? That's crazy.

She: It's not that crazy. I'm almost 29.

Him: Are you serious? You are so..old. Who freakin goes to their high school reunion?

She: Old people. Except I didn't and I heard it was cancelled, because no one else wanted to either.

Him: Honey, you're old.

She: Don't worry..I already know that.

Moving on...

Us old people do more than play bridge and watch Wheel of Fortune. We make popcorn. And not just any kind of popcorn..the strawberry kind.

That's right. I said strawberry.
Looks good doesn't it?
It's simple. So simple that you'll wonder why the heck you ever paid $4 for that tiny bag at the mall. And what's even better? You can make it any flavor you want. Ba-da-bing.
You will need some popcorn. Make your own or use the microwave. Whatever suits your fancy. Although I recommend NOT using the microwave buttery kind..it will drown out the strawberry-ness.
While it's popping get a cookie sheet, cover with foil (over the edges too) and spray with Pam or use butter. Turn the oven on to 300 degrees.
Two ingredients. 14 oz Sweetened Condensed Milk and 3 oz Strawberry Jello. Or whatever kind you like.
Put both the Jello and the milk in a pot on medium low heat. Stir often for 5 minutes allowing it to slightly boil and thicken.
Don't worry..you're almost done! Pour Jello mixture into bowl with popcorn (picking out unpopped kernels first) and stir until evenly coated. I actually separated some of the popcorn out so I could be sure to coat all the pieces. Dump the coated popcorn onto your cookie sheet and bake in the oven for 20 minutes, stirring every five minutes.
You know you want some.

12 cups popcorn
14 oz sweetened condensed milk
3 oz your favorite jello flavor

Combine jello and milk in pan on medium low heat. Allow to boil slightly and thicken. Pour mixture over popcorn, stir to evenly coat. Place on greased, tin foil covered cookie sheet. Bake at 300 degrees for 20 minutes, stirring every 5 minutes. Enjoy popcorn heaven.

P.S I got my recipe from here
And just for kicks I decided it was time to figure out how to make my most favorite treat ever. 

The Apple Pie Caramel Apple from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.
It was a success!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Caramel apples and other good things

I've been doing some cooking lately.

I've been making a point of trying some new recipes.

Baked Creamy Chicken Taquitos
Seriously awesome.
But this is what mine ended up looking like..
Not so pretty
But man they were so good. Like bite size pieces of mexican food heaven.
You can find the recipe for them here

And I also thought I'd try some soup...because it is Fall you know.
Oh the joys of being a housewife
mmm mmm good
It's Creamy Corn Chowder and this is the recipe.

Be sure to eat it with garlic toast, because it's the only way to make this soup even more delicious.

And then there was last night. While at my aunt's house.

I attempted Caramel Apples..because what is Fall without them? Lame I tell you. Lame.
Serious business.
It was a perplexing situation getting that stupid stick in.
But I am a determined soul.
The anticipation was building..slowly.
There's a science to making caramel apples just right..it's all in the spin.
Toffee and Chocolate
Don't burn yourself with the caramel because it's really hot and sticky (obviously).
When you're done tell your apple "you look wonderful!" in a boyish victorian voice
Standing in the cool air so the caramel would set up and not melt off my toppings.
How are you celebrating Fall?

Monday, October 17, 2011

How to dine in style

Last night at dinner my brother and my cousin decided it was the prime time to show off their new virtual assistants. 

On their phones of course.

She's very helpful, this personal assistant. She'll not only answer your soul's deepest questions, but also boost your self-esteem and make you feel like a rockstar.


Tanner: Hey V-lingo
V-lingo: Good morning Pimp Daddy.

Jamie was in need of some serious answers.

J: V-lingo, are we friends?
V: of course
J: will you be my best friend?
V: I would be honored
J: will you be my girlfriend?
V: I'm sure you can find a more suitable match than a virtual assistant (it really said this..I heard it for myself)

obviously no computer program is perfect...

J: but I'm desperate, can you help me find someone my age?
V: I will look on google to find someone with Aids
J: um, nevermind.

In other news..I (mostly) finished my picture wall!

See for yourself..
pretty bomb, eh?
 this stands for "McQuay" if you weren't sure

I'm lovin it ba da ba ba ba...

Friday, October 14, 2011

Life lessons

I've been trying to teach Elle a few life lessons.

Not just the essentials like always be nice to your mailman and it's a crime to buy any peanut butter that isn't Jif.

But also a few little gems I've picked up along the way.
It's important to smile for the camera, but it's more important to keep your eyes open.
Don't be afraid to learn some new tricks every once in a while.
Chocolate Chip cookies always taste better with Grandpa.
Sometimes life can feel like a complicated puzzle, so just take it one piece at a time.
Hang out with your dad as much as possible.
Don't ever give up. No matter what.
People may try to karate chop you for their enjoyment. Don't let them.
Finally, if you find yourself in an awkward position call me and I will help you.

What are you teaching your kids?

Monday, October 10, 2011

All up in my grill...I mean kitchen

There are some things that I just can't get enough of.

lemony lovin'

Have you had these yet?

I'm a big fan of Muddy Buddies. I remember eating those when I was 8 years old..my backyard bff invited me over for a little swim and snack. It was love.

But now my taste buds are bit more mature. You know, the white chocolately, lemony kind of grownup-ness.

Try them try them try them.

And for the mexican food lover in me
Courtesy of Rachael Ray.

Wowza. Be warned..sour cream is a necessity. Also if you do NOT want your taste buds to be burned to a crisp after you eat this soup, make sure you follow the directions concerning the peppers.

Because someone didn't. And it's like an inferno around here. A disco one.

Finally, tis the season for....Pumpkin!
pumpkin me likey
It was pumpkiny. It was crunchy. It was delicioso!

It's kind of a twist on pumpkin pie so I'll just confess already that I was singing, "you make me feel like dancing.." all night long.


Have any good recipes to share?

P.S -it's my first day of hair school! Should I show up with a mohawk just so they know I mean serious business?

Saturday, October 8, 2011

i will and i can

Remember that time I ran 6.5 miles by accident.

How does that happen one asks?

Serious miscalculations concerning time, distance, and being stuck in the middle of nowhere so that you have no choice, but to finish.

It was my fault, really, if we're being honest here.  I'd driven that road so many times that it began to seem like a short distance. So short, apparently, that I thought we could run it in 45 minutes.

And that my friends is the definition of a fool. One who thinks she knows what she's doing when in reality she is clueless.

So even though it took much longer than we thought and was much further than we anticipated, although we almost died when we got home, there was also a bit of excitement.

Because we just ran 6.5 miles.

That is a hard thing to do. Obviously we were no marathon runners.
But we did it!

And it made me realize that I can probably do a lot more than I thought I could.

I thought about this on my run this morning. I'm sick with a cold, my throat has been giving me problems, and I got maybe an hour of sleep last night, because my little babe is sick too.

Come on, I know you've got some great excuses too.

So make today different.

THROW AWAY those excuses. See what you're made of. Do something hard.

*apologize to someone you've hurt
*go for a run even if you're sure you'll hate it
*forgive that person who's let you down lately
*bake a cake even if you've classified yourself as the "Worst cook in America"
*look beyond yourself and see who you can help
*be happy (it's a choice really)

Stop thinking about all the reasons why not. And just go for it.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Weekend Wishes

It is Fah-Ri-Day!

It's going to be a loooonng, busy weekend.

Especially because Elle's nap's went from 2 1/2 hours 3 times a day to 45 minutes 2 times a day in less than a week.

That girl. Keeps. Me. Busy.

Also I've been working on painting and re-doing the Master bathroom. So far it's been a disaster and I have no motivation to finish. Except when I have to pee, because then I go in there, shudder in disgust, and cry.

And by cry I mean run out as fast as my little legs can go.

Trust me. You don't want to see it.

But maybe today I will go to Home Depot and someone from HGTV will stop and ask me if I'd like a free bathroom makeover. To which I will say yes and then everyone in my house will be able to pee in luxury.

I may need a reality check here pretty soonish.

I've been watching this Discovery Channel show called "Out of the Wild" where basically people are dropped off in the middle of nowhere land Alaska and spend a little more than a month hiking to civilization living off porcupine and squirrel.There's no prize, just a pat on the back you give to yourself for surviving.

Sounds dreamy, doesn't it?

The good thing that comes out of it is you figure out what you're made of.  And I want to do it.


Until then..I'll keep dreaming that my bathroom cabinets paint themselves. Life is so good.

Have a great weekend.