Monday, March 12, 2012

Real Housewives of Provo

Oh the weekend.

Usually the only time I'm ever motivated to cook anything. Then Monday comes and I wonder why we still haven't employed a chef, because I know he'd be put to good use.

Oh that's right. We are poor and this is not "The Real Housewives of Provo" ..which is a shame, because I really am a housewife that lives in Provo. I just don't sleep on Louis Vuitton sheets or drive a Mercedes. But let's be honest here..I'm doubting those kind of people even exist in Provo.

Maybe they could start a new show. "The Real CHEAP Housewives of Provo" and then they could film me at Target trying to decide if that $5 shirt is worth it or at the thrift store searching for vintage furniture to make my house look more..well, fancy.

I'm sure people would love to see me do my grocery shopping at Walmart, the King of the cheap life. Viewers would be captivated while I stood in line for the whole hour of the show just trying to pay for my things. We all know getting out of Walmart is a bit like when the Titanic was sinking. Mad chaos, crowds of frantic people, not enough boats. Or in this case, toothbrushes and strawberries.

That's right, the last time I was at Walmart they were out of both of those items. It's a cruel, cheap life I tell you.

Viewers would be shocked at the sight of the local Walmart crowd which actually proves to be only the good part of ever going there.
Yup he is for real.

For date nights, the show would highlight the Cinemark Provo Movies 8...the friendly dollar theater down the street. Although unfortunately, if you're not a student they feel they have the right to charge you a whole $1.50 instead of just a $1.00. Yes, you know you're cheap if that extra .50 cents makes you shake your head and wonder what this world's coming to. A dollar theater isn't just a dollar theater anymore.

I hate to say this, but I am NOT the only cheapster in Provo. This place is the capitol of couponers and free deals.

Hear about something on sale? Forget it. You can feel confident it was sold out in the first ten minutes leaving nothing behind for slowpokes like me.  If you watch that "Extreme Couponers" show on TLC and wish you could see those people in action, just show up to Walmart on Tuesdays around here, because it's double coupon day and that's when people lose their minds over a good deal.

And just because we are cheap doesn't mean we don't enjoy the night life.

Since there are no clubs around here, you can find the party crowd at some local favorites:
The Nickel Cade: Where all you need is a friend and a bag of nickels.

Or if you're in the mood for something a little more wild, hit up the local ice skating rink.

Of course, on a show like The Real Cheap Housewives of Provo you can also expect there to be drama and action, because isn't that what real life is all about?

RCHOP would feature me reading the Police Beat as part of my morning routine with a good cup of cocoa. I'm actually surprised this kind of news doesn't make national headlines.

Suspicious Activity

Dec. 29: A male student was reported suspiciously looking into cars in a campus parking lot. Police discovered that the student was actually looking into his own car, looking for his backpack.

Jan. 2: A female student returned from Christmas break to her apartment in Wyview Park and found a cryptic handwritten note indicating that someone had entered her apartment during her absence. The incident is under investigation.

Jan. 6: Police discovered two male students had created a ramp by packing snow against a window at Helaman Halls. The students planned to jump from the window of the building and go down the ramp. Police asked the students to remove the snow and no further action was taken. 

Yes, Provo is one of a kind.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to contact BRAVO to sell them my idea.

If you feel you are cheaper than cheap and your idea of "night life" includes stopping at the Cocoa Bean for a cupcake and hot chocolate, please email me immediately. I'm currently accepting applications for fellow housewives that I can party, shop, fight, and be cheap with.

Send applications* to:

*applicant gives up all rights to information as it will probably be posted here for comedic purposes.

Speaking of cheap...have you entered the awesome giveaway for a FREE Jennie Moss Bow?  Go here!


  1. LOL! This post made me laugh so hard! You posted ALL our our frequent Provo date places! Too bad we moved away, I could have starred in the show!

  2. I love this, and can totally relate!
    We're always on the lookout for cheap dates, and we frequently check the dollar movie showtimes to see what's playing. I even sneak my Cocoa Bean cupcakes into the dollar movie so I can eat it during the show!
    We've found that the cheapest date, though, is having friends over and playing games (if that's not a Provo thing, I don't know what is).
    If Bravo picks up your show, consider me an option!

  3. I love the NickelCade! When I was little I'd save up my as much as I could before a trip to Utah and spend it all at the NickelCade.

  4. Have you not been to "Spark" restaurant's "mocktail lounge"?